By Cassandra,
The Beat Within/NAM

My mom abandoned me when I was 6 years old.
   I called my Auntie Mary, and she raised me for 10 years. Now I’m 16 years old, and I’m my own parent. I will never trust an older person again.
    I was raising my own brother at a young age. My brother is my best friend because we were always together. My brother calls me “mom” because that’s what I’ve been to him
    . Lupe is our birth mom. She got my brother on drugs and she used him. He has been in and out of the juvenile justice system because he was on drugs. When he didn’t have a place to stay, I would let him spend the night at my aunt’s. I would just hold him because he was scared.
    I wish someone could take away my pain because I’m tired of hurting and crying for the mom I never had to come back and just hold me. Life isn’t easy for me because I feel so empty and confused. I don’t know what to do anymore, I just sit and in my room, locked down, thinking about finding my momma.
    If you see me out on the streets just stop and talk to me because I’m searching for Lupe, but I know I’m not going to find her. It’s sad that this is my true life. I wish someone would just sit down with me and listen to me talk about my life.
    My life has been messed up because I had no mother, no father to teach me what’s wrong or right. I taught myself and my brother. What’s hurting us is that our mom left us without anything to say.
    Now I am wishing that I didn’t do what I did. The heck with the haters that say I can’t make it in life. Even though I grew up too fast, I am going to make it.
    Now I know my momma wasn’t there for me and she was on drugs. I was a mom to my brother, but now it’s jacked up because he says I can’t be nothing. I’m stuck in juvenile hall feeling like I’m half dead, dreaming about the last weed I smoked. I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but now it feels like I’m in a dream, so unreal. I’ve been here so long I forgot how to feel.